You just got engaged – hell yeah! The emotions are high, excitement is flowing, and you’re feeling on top of the world about tying the knot with your love. But once you post that photo on Instagram announcing to the world that “we’re engaged!,” what comes next? Where do you go from here??
Wedding planning can get overwhelming FAST. Especially if you’re not in the wedding industry like me, and haven’t attended or helped plan tons of weddings. Cause you probably haven’t.
So in this blog post, I’ll be giving you a list of 5 things to be sure to do after you get engaged. And each task will be accompanied by a way to make it less stressful, or more fun – because wedding planning isn’t necessarily all fun & games as much as we’d like it to be.
After that, I’m giving you a little “anti-bride/groom” list – a.k.a. 5 things you can choose not to do that you might’ve thought were required. Things you automatically think you’re supposed to do while wedding planning, or that your married friend tells you are MUST-do’s. This list is for anyone who wants to shake up their day a lil’ and not follow the traditional wedding planning process 😉
Let’s get into it, yeah? Happy planning!
5 Things to Do After You Get Engaged
& ways to make them more fun
1. Take it all in
The first thing you need to do after getting engaged: just take it all in. This isn’t really a specific task so much as a little assignment I have for you. Take at least a couple of weeks to enjoy this just-engaged season with each other, getting excited for the wedding.
Don’t start planning the wedding right away – it’ll take the fun out of the process, even though I know you’re excited to plan. The thing about wedding planning is that it can be so fun and exciting, but can bring on a lot of stress that you might not want right away after getting engaged.
Go on dates with each other, announce it to your family and friends, and cherish the freshly engaged season. It’s one of the most fun & joyful parts of your relationship journey that you’ll want to remember forever.
How to make this task more fun:
This “task” should already be fun – the purpose of it is to allow you to enjoy your engagement & let it all sink in before any stress can come at ya. But if you’re worried you’ll start planning ASAP or give in to your family/friends who are all asking a million questions about the wedding, give yourself a timeline.
If you know you two want to elope pretty soon and plan your day in a few months, which means you want to start planning right away, force yourselves to take even just a week or two before you start planning. One week won’t completely change your elopement day, I promise you!
Or if you know your wedding day won’t be for a while, why not take a whole month or more to let it all sink in before you start the planning process?
Let your family & friends know that this is the boundary you’re setting for yourselves, and that you’d like them to respect it. Often couples feel pressured to start planning right away simply because of expectations from loved ones. So if you let them know ahead of time that this is the way you’d like to do it, they should respect that and let you enjoy the time.
2. Make a list of priorities
One of the first ways to ensure your wedding day is as special & meaningful as possible to you both is to make a list of your wedding day priorities.
Talk (and listen) to each other about what’s most important to each of you: maybe your partner wants you to know that their grandparents being in attendance is especially important to them. Whereas you might not feel a need to invite any of your family members; you’d rather invite your closest friends.
Figure out what each of your top 4-5 priorities are, and then discuss your mutual priorities. What’s the most important to you both? What do you value most? And what areas don’t matter as much?
These priorities could be items, people you invite, vendors you hire, or experiences you have on your wedding day. It’s up to you to narrow down what’s most important to you both and stand by that, no matter what pressure you may get from your loved ones to do certain things/hire certain people/etc.
How to make this task more fun:
Make a date night out of it! Order takeout from your favorite restaurant, pour yourselves glasses of your favorite drinks, and put some music on. Have a list ready (or make a list) of common vendors/items/etc. present at weddings, and go through and highlight what each of you values most. Then come together to brainstorm ways you can incorporate each one of your priorities into your day in a meaningful way!
Here’s a list of things to consider when creating your list of priorities, to help get you started:
- Vendors:
- Photographer
- Videographer
- Planner/coordinator
- Florist
- Hair/makeup
- Caterer
- Officiant
- Items:
- Wedding attire
- Food – meal, dessert
- Favors for your guests
- Decorations/rentals
- Experiences:
- Lodging for the two of you
- Activities to do on your wedding day (either by yourselves or with your guests)
- Your location
- Guests:
- Immediate family
- Extended family
- Friends
- Coworkers
- Other people important to your relationship
3. Find your venue/location
The location of your wedding plays a huge role in the atmosphere of your wedding & how you celebrate. Meaning it’s important to find the perfect location that will be meaningful to your big day!
If you’re looking for a more formal venue, start searching on Google or Instagram, and get recommendations from married friends/family.
Or if you want to get married somewhere in the outdoors, visit multiple locations to see what environment best suits what you’re looking for.
Make sure to look into rules & restrictions on wedding ceremonies at every location, so you aren’t disappointed if ceremonies aren’t allowed at a certain spot.
How to make this task more fun:
This is an easy one to turn into a fun task: make a weekend getaway out of it! (or multiple weekend getaways, for that matter)
Mark a weekend on your calendar where you’re going to drive around to visit multiple venues/locations in the same area. Book an Airbnb near where you’ll be visiting, and make it a fun trip for the two of you to enjoy together.
This would be a great opportunity to search for an Airbnb for you to stay in the night of your wedding, too – and to hit up local restaurants to get some yummy food, of course!
And if you’re looking at multiple locations farther away from each other, why not do a couple weekend getaways to check out each area? It’s the perfect excuse for a little vacay, and a great way to give yourselves time to explore.
4. Hire your vendor dream team
Next up, you’ll need to hire your vendors! I recommend starting your search on Instagram, Google, or asking your friends/family if they know of anybody. Once you hire a planner, they can help you find the rest of your vendors and create your dream team of professionals. Your vendors are crucial to bringing together your dream wedding day, so it’s important to find ones you trust wholeheartedly.
How to make this task more fun:
Searching for vendors can be overwhelming since there are so many out there. You can make it a bit more fun (and successful) by making a game out of it!
Since you’ve made a list of your wedding day priorities by now, it’s time to make some new lists. Write out what you’re looking for in each of your vendors: e.g. you want your photographer to be a specialized elopement photographed, who works in the PNW, offers all-day coverage, and vibes with your personality. Maybe you’re looking for a florist who offers not only bouquets, but also arbor installations, and can create dried flower pieces.
Put on your favorite show in the background, fill your table with your favorite snacks, and make a game out of your vendor hunt. Assign a few vendors to each of you based on what you each prioritize most, and start searching. Whoever finds 2-3 vendors of each vendor category, who check off every box of your priority/must-haves list, first, wins!
5. Put together your guest list
Now, you’ll need to put together your guest list. This is an incredibly important part of wedding planning, as sometimes your guest list can make or break your wedding day. You want people at your wedding who are going to support you & celebrate with you, not stress you out or cause any drama. So it’s key that you invite the right people.
How to make this task more fun:
This suggestion might not make the process more fun necessarily, but rather more simple.
For every single person you’re considering inviting, ask yourselves these 3 questions:
- Why are we inviting this person? (is it because we want to, or maybe because of family pressure?)
- Can we envision our wedding day without them?
- Would we regret not inviting them?
If you answer these honestly and base your guest list accordingly, you should end up with the perfect people there on your wedding day.
BONUS: Remember the legal stuff
And a final bonus task to check off: don’t forget about all the legal stuff! This includes figuring out the process of changing your name (if you’re choosing to do that), getting your marriage license & all the necessary documents on time, obtaining any necessary location permits or passes, figuring out your new insurance, etc.
All of this stuff can easily fall through the cracks of wedding planning since it’s not as fun. But it’s all important in order to make sure everything goes smoothly.
How to make this task more fun:
Delegate whatever you can to other people. Assign different legal/technical tasks to family or friends, if possible, so you don’t have to do it all on your own. There will be certain things that only you two can do, such as going to pick up your marriage license, but you might be able to have other people drop off documents, research permits, etc. Hand off as much as you can for this one.
5 Things You Can Choose Not To Do
Now, let’s get into 5 things that you can totally, completely, 100% choose NOT to do. These are all tasks that you might thik are automatically required with wedding planning, or that you’ve seen other people do – that you don’t have to do if you don’t want to. Why not shake things up a lil’ if you’re not vibing with the traditional wedding route?
1. Follow a typical wedding planning checklist
You don’t have to download 10 wedding planning checklists from Pinterest. Or buy a wedding planning notebook from Barnes N’ Noble. Or follow that list that your married sister wrote for you.
These checklists can be helpful, yes – but only to a certain degree. They often direct couples to follow lots of traditions, and might make them feel like they *have* to check off certain tasks in order to have a “successful” wedding. But if you’re not into traditions or just going through the motions, a typical wedding planning checklist might not be for you.
If you do better with guidance, download a checklist and take what you need from it – then make your own checklist out of it based on what’s important to YOU.
2. Throw a big engagement party
If you’re not a party person, there’s no need to throw an engagement party! I don’t see as many couples doing this as I used to, but I figured it was worth mentioning since I still see it talked about as a wedding planning tradition once in a while.
Don’t feel pressured to throw a party to announce your engagement to your guests or as a way to “crown” your maid of honor/best man/etc. If you’d rather celebrate your engagement with your closest friends by drinking and playing board games at your house, do that instead. Or if you want to celebrate in private just with your partner, spend your money on meaningful date nights instead of a party you won’t really love.
3. Take traditions seriously
You’re allowed to not follow traditions – I know, crazy, right??
Instead of blindly accepting traditions that might be completely meaningless to you, focus your time & money on things that will be special to the two of you.
For example, consider doing a first look instead of waiting to see each other until you walk down the aisle. Or be completely rebellious and have a weekday wedding instead of a typical Saturday celebration. Maybe you’d rather spend money on a delicious s’mores bar and dessert buffet than a white cake for you to cut in front of everybody.
There’s no need to take any traditions seriously if you don’t want to. Do what will be meaningful to you, not what tradition says, or what your mother says, or what Pinterest says. You’ll thank yourself when you’re fully enjoying your wedding day that feels like YOU, rather than feeling like you just blindly followed the steps every other couple has taken.
4. Invite everyone you’ve ever met
This is a simple one – you don’t need to invite everyone you’ve ever met to your wedding!
You’re not required to invite your long-lost grandma or fifth cousins just because your mom is pressuring you to. And you don’t need to invite this person just because you invited that person, and now you feel obligated. Invite the people who will make your day special, and focus on giving them an amazing experience rather than inviting 300 people you know you don’t truly care about.
5. Copy everything from Brides Magazine
Yep – you don’t *need* to follow every rule you read in Brides Magazine or that you’ve seen on Pinterest boards.
Take inspiration and get ideas, absolutely. These can be great resources to get your ideas flowing and to help bring your vision together! But avoid copying what you see, because you’ll end up with a wedding that doesn’t fully feel like you – it just feels like the person whose Pinterest board you took inspiration from.
Trust your vendors to help you bring your own unique, original wedding day to life!
BONUS: Make a wedding website
And finally, a bonus task you can choose not to do: make a wedding website.
Wedding websites can definitely be helpful in communicating all the important info to your guests, and for organizing a registry/invites/etc. But you don’t have to automatically make a typical website that you see in those ads for Zola or WeddingWire if that doesn’t fit you two!
Find a way to communicate with + invite your guests that will make things easiest for you. If that’s through a website, then make a website. If that’s through snail mail and gorgeous invitations that are meaningful to you, go for it. Or if that means sending texts through an app and tracking everything easily, do that instead. Just know that there are other options out there besides the traditional, sometimes cheesy wedding website.
Now that you know what to do after getting engaged, check out one of my favorite articles – How to Elope: A Step-by-Step Guide to Planning Your Elopement. It’ll give you all the guidance you need when it comes to the details of planning your dream day!
