Need some guidance when it comes to wedding planning? I got you covered. It can all feel overwhelming as fuck right when you start planning, but these five questions really help kickstart the whole process. And ideally, they’ll help you feel less overwhelmed and ready to tackle the coming month while you’re planning your dream wedding.

First I’m gonna give you some homework – but don’t worry, it’s the fun kind. Hopefully. 😉 Plan a date night with the two of you where you sit down to take personality tests! Discover each other’s Enneagram type, take the Love Language test, or read your Human Design charts. 

I know personality tests aren’t for everyone, but I think they can really help you get to know your partner better, that way you can plan your dream wedding in a way that totally embodies you both as a couple. Even better: they help you lay a foundation for a strong marriage.

Once you’ve learned all about your partner’s decision-making, communication skills, and motivations, it’s time to ask yourself these 5 questions to kickstart your wedding planning journey.

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When Planning Your Dream Wedding

1. What do we want to remember from our wedding day?

What is going to mean the most to you when you look back on your wedding day?

Do you want a video so you can remember the vows you exchanged to promise your love to one another forever? Do you want to remember being surrounded by your loved ones? Are you a decor fanatic that wants the aesthetic of your wedding to be super fancy & memorable?

At the end of the day, the flowers will wilt, the cake will be gone, and the dancing will be over, but what remains is the photos and film that hold your memories for a lifetime. They’re a lovely testament to your love story and the history of your family. They’re also the perfect heirlooms that you can pass on for generations.

2. Are there traditions that don’t feel like “us”?

In an industry that really pushes traditions, it can be difficult to uncover what YOU actually want to do. There’s a lot of unnecessary pressure from society that says you need to follow certain wedding traditions, like waiting until the ceremony to see each other or wearing a wedding veil. Pinterest and Brides magazine and your married friend can all be helpful resources for inspiration, but at the end of the day, your wedding should be about what you want.

Consider having a first look, for example, if you want to spend more of the day with your love. There are plenty of ways to make your wedding details personalized and unique, rather than blindly following what people tell you to do. I always encourage my couples to consider nontraditional wedding ideas and go with what feels right to them, versus succumbing to the pressures of society and what they think they’re “supposed” to do.

3. If we close our eyes and envision the day, what does it look, feel, smell like?

Picture your dream wedding day, without any limitations. Imagine what it would look like if you weren’t limited by things like money, time, traditions, or your family and friends.

Do you imagine yourselves outside in crisp mountain air, surrounded by a forest? On the beach with the waves crashing behind you? Do you dream of a small, intimate day, or more of a big party with a ton of your friends and family? Make a list of all the dream wedding ideas you come up with, and find a way to bring them together to curate your perfect atmosphere.

Whatever you two envision for the day, write it down so you can work on visualizing your dream wedding day together. And then work with a wedding coordinator or planner to help you bring it all together – they’re the experts at that, and they’ll help you find the perfect vendors/etc. to make your vision come to life.

4. What would be a total disappointment to us, and how can we avoid that?

Would you be heartbroken if your grandparents couldn’t witness your wedding ceremony? If so, think about a more accessible venue – maybe hiking to a beautiful mountain spot isn’t the best idea for you two. If your closest family lives on the other side of the country and is unable to travel for some reason, a local wedding may not be great for you – instead, travel to them.

Or if your priorities are more about remembering the heartwarming feeling of hearing your partner say their vows to you, invest in a videographer so you can revisit the day whenever you want to.

If you know deep down in your soul that having your extended family present on your wedding day would cause nothing but drama and stress, consider the idea of not inviting them.

Whatever could potentially disappoint you or stress you out on your wedding day, be it people, things, or situations, brainstorm about how you can best avoid it so you get that dream wedding you deserve.

5. If we were planning a double birthday party where we both got to do anything we wanted, what would that day look like?

This question is always a super fun way to put everything in perspective: your wedding day is a day JUST about the two of you and celebrating your unique, beautiful love story. If that means you want something crazy that doesn’t feel “wedding appropriate” why the hell not do it?

When you throw a birthday party, you get to choose whatever you want. Think about when you were a little kid, and how maybe your parents let you pick every meal and activity for the day. Why should this be any different? Together, brainstorm ways to make your wedding unique, like choosing a theme, getting creative with food or finding a fun venue. The options are truly endless, my friend.

Now that you have the answers to those questions, think through your wedding budget. Remember that weddings and elopements don’t need to break the bank if you don’t want them to. There’s a ton of ways to save money on your wedding, like planning a weekday wedding, prioritizing, DIY-ing, or thrifting. Happy planning!